"yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist."
1 Cor 8:6

It's beginning to look a lot like...

Christmas.
I still remember being a little girl and all the excitement that came with Christmas. Eagerly counting down the days until Christmas Eve. Packing the car with presents and food as we went to Uncle Joe's that night. The whole family would eat spaghetti (except for me, just salad and bread. Spaghetti? Gross.) and we'd eat lots of sweets and drink that stuff that is basically melted Red Hots. I remember the big tree with all the presents, making s'mores in the fireplace, going outside to throw carrots on the roof for Rudolph (not knowing that they usually just fell off on the other side). We would dig under the tree for the presents with OUR names and stack them in a big pile in front of us, waiting for Uncle Joe to say "okay, you can open your presents.....now! Driving around and looking at Christmas lights.

Man, those were the days.

It's not quite the same anymore. No more big tree, no more pile of presents for me (that has moved on to the little ones...darn), no more throwing carrots on the roof or smores or looking at lights or Red Hot drinks. Ever since those days ended I always find myself a little sad around Christmas Eve, I guess just remembering how it used to be when I was a kid. It's a good thing that those things I miss are not what Christmas is all about. But if you wanna know what Christmas is all about, ask me, Linus from Peanuts, Steve Swofford from FBC Rockwall, or check out Luke 2 or John 3:16. That is what it's all about- praise Father that sovereign grace and mercy never fade like presents or falling carrots.

Moving.
One week from this Saturday, John and I (and some lovely friends and family :) ) begin moving our stuff into our new home! Well, apartment, but our home! We went Sunday and signed the million page long lease, got some measurements for curtains and such, and just got more excited. I have begun the dreaded packing process. So far I have figured out (in my room at least) what is staying here and what is going, but haven't started packing a thing yet. That's okay. The Lord has been so faithful to provide for things (furniture, bedding, kitchen gadgets, 1 towel, haha) for us to start our life together. I am so grateful to Him and to the great friends and family through whom He used to provide. This is very, very exciting, and I just have to stop and thank the Lord over and over again for His provision. Oh, and I cannot forget to praise Him for the greatness that is Craigslist. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Jesus.

Wedding.
If we are moving in a week from Saturday, that means we are getting married 2 weeks from Saturday. 2 1/2 weeks! Holy moly. That is craziness. I am starting to do last minute wedding stuff with the sister and matron of honor- gluing ribbons onto things, counting stuff, planning, drawing pictures, last minute shopping. Man- this is really going down! So crazy. I haven't really gotten a chance to sit down and think about the actual ceremony itself since we've been in the planning/buying stage, but I guess sometime over the next week we will have to plan the ceremony/reception and get to really realize that we are getting married. So wild. Thank you Father. We go to get our marriage license tomorrow :)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, Moving time, Wedding time, time for changes basically. Thank you Father for remaining constant.

I talked to a mother who said she didn't want her daughter to go overseas to a country with a high Muslim population.

I said okay, I understand your concern.

What I really wanted to say is "Ma'am, do you know what the fastest growing Religion in the United States is?"

Islam.

Maybe you shouldn't let your daughter walk out the front door.

Top Line for Bottom Line.

Last Thursday myself, Kent, and AC were at Ouachita University for Refuge. We went to do some recruiting for iGO, and AC was the speaker at this weekly bible study that they do. After Aaron spoke, we were singing in worship to the Lord, and the band started playing Crowder's newest most popular song, "How He Loves." (Originally written and recorded by John Mark McMillan, you should check his out, too) At some point during this song, this kind of realization hit me that I have never really thought about before. I am surely not the first person to think about this, it's probably actually kind of embarrassing that I've never realized this before.

Since my introduction to the world of iGO in the summer of 2005, our core value of "Bottom Line" has totally changed my perspective of God, the Word, my life and calling....everything. It has given me a new lens through which to see the world and my Father. Bottom Line is the Scriptural truth that although God is concerned about blessing and caring for His children, He is ultimately concerned about His glory- about his Name being declared to every people, tribe, and tongue.

For some reason while singing "How He Loves," I realized that even Top Line is Bottom Line.....that God loves us, provides for us, saves us, because He is concerned for His name and glory. His desire is for worshippers around the world to love and serve Him...to share His glory. He pursues and loves and blesses us and HIS name is glorified because of that- bringing more people into the Kingdom. In 1 Chronicles 16:35, Asaph and his brothers are singing and they say "Save us, O God of our salvation, and gather and deliver us from among the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name, and glory in your praise." We see this all throughout the Pentateuch as well, God has made up his mind that He will destroy the Israelites...that He will wipe them out and start over with Moses. So many times Moses basically tells God "Please don't do this, for your namesake save us, and other nations will glorify you because of this salvation." God saves us and loves us because His name receives glory because of it, and more people proclaim His name because of this grace and His good gifts.

This doesn't in anyway take away from the fact that He genuinely loves us, and wants to be in relationship with us. I can't wrap my brain around it, but somehow, I believe, God loves us and saves us for His glory alone, but that doesn't lessen the authenticity of His love for us. I guess I have always compartmentalized these two things- I thought that Top Line and Bottom Line were two separate things. It's so silly that I am just now thinking this way, but it's so clear. If God is really concerned about His glory, bottom line (which I believe He is), then it would just make sense that even the top line stuff (Him blessing us, pursuing us, saving us, bestowing His grace upon us) is about His glory and His name as well.

"Help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of your name; deliver us, and atone for our sins, for your name's sake!" Psalm 79:9

My name is Sleepy.

It is cold, I am sleepy, and I am at work. Right about now I would appreciate a fuzzy blanky and a big comfy bed.

I plan on taking a nap when I leave here.

The art of napping is something that has almost completely left my life since the entrance of John Rogers. My prime nap day is Sunday, and since I now spend Sundays with John, naps occur less and less often. It is totally worth it, the whole spending time with John thing, but I miss naps.

Today, I will remember the art of napping, and I am looking very forward to this.

Favorite.

This morning, there was frost on the grass. FROST!

I am very excited. This is my favoritest time of year. Ham and dressing. Sweet potato pie. Putting up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. Officially being able to listen to Christmas music. Charlie Brown Christmas. Hot Chocolate. White Christmas. Sweatpants and fuzzy socks. Peacoats. Scarves. Awkward family Christmases. Elf. It's a Wonderful Life. A Christmas Story (far too many times). THE Christmas Story (can never be heard too many times). My first iGO Christmas Party. Christmas Eve at Uncle Joe's. Being under a comfy blanky with my mom reading a good book. That smell outside...it just smells like Christmas. Pumpkin Sheet Cake. Awesome hymns at church. First Christmas with John. Last Christmas as a single woman!

Wowza!

Anyway, this post is simply dedicated to the truth that I LOVE THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS!

Retreat.

Yesterday and today we had our iGO staff retreat. All 14 of us made the long trek to the booming metropolis of Palmer, Texas. Population just under 2,000. But let's be honest, the real Palmer is like population 50 with about 7,000 bulls, steer, cows, and longhorns? I ask that in the form of a question because apparently I fail to realize the difference. Though Shu and Ky tried to explain it to me, I really don't think this is something I will lose sleep over. All I know is that the house/big house/really really big house that we stayed in had about 1,000 additional dead animals represented inside. Let's not go there. I suppose they felt they had to make up for the serious lack of catchable fish in the pond.

Praise the Lord for faithful and generous supporters who are gracious to lend us (one of) their home(s) so that we can get away and spend some quality time eating, talking, praying, eating, throwing the football, eating, making a fire, cooking smores (smore what?), eating, "Cheer"ing, did I mention eating? We also ate. Often.

In all seriousness, the last 24 hours was so fruitful. Not only cause we ate lots of fresh fruit, which did happen. I told you we ate, right? Not only was it refreshing to get away in the middle of nowhere with a gorgeous home and beautiful view, it was so good to fellowship with other staff members, to get to know them on a deeper level, to vision cast for the future of iGO, to talk about what's missing, what's going well, to pray for one another, and to just be reminded and humbled at the fact that we even get to be a tiny part of this far greater thing that the Lord is doing...reaching the nations for His glory. Wow! On a personal level it was just refreshing for me to get away, be in a new place, and be forced to be a little more intentional with listening to the still, soft voice of the Father. This morning, praise Jesus, was one of the sweetest times I have had in the Word in a long time. Some would say I got my batteries recharged, others might say the Lord gave me a swift kick in the bottom, I would say...all of the above.

I'm at this place where I am questioning where I am gifted and why I am gifted and how that plays into this ministry that the Lord has called me to and burdened me for. How the heck am I gifted? I don't feel gifted in evangelism, which is funny, cause I work for a missions agency. I don't know if I am gifted in teaching, because I don't get to do it often enough to hone the skill even if I did have it. I mean, I've done spiritual gifts surveys and all that, but I just don't know how accurate those are played out in real life. I guess it's just that I have the desire to recognize where the Father has gifted me and how that fits in with what I could be doing at iGO, and how the Father will (hopefully) use me in future ministry at whatever church He calls John and I to.

I also really really really really really really wanna go to grad school/feel called to grad school but my logical mind is just going crazy over this and I have no clue what to do about that or what it would look like.

Oh well.

One day at a time, Lord.

PS- Sharpie pens are my new favorite. I mean, wow.

Something's Missing.

It may be the fact that it has now been over six months since I have graduated college and taken classes, or possibly because I have had less and less quality time with my faithful journal, or maybe just that the good 'ole days of xanga are too far gone....but lately I have really missed writing.

Not necessarily writing anything of importance like research papers or anything like that...which I do miss. I know that's weird. It's maybe that I feel like I never get alone time for myself and my head to just sit and think and be. Is that weird? Maybe. It's probably weirder because if I'm putting my head and thoughts onto....keyboard....and onto the World Wide Web, it is no longer just for myself. But I think better when typing, so I suppose that's a risk I am willing to take. That's assuming of course that someone will read this, which let's be honest, is not likely. Whew.

Six months since I have graduated college. WOW. That's odd. Time flies when you are totally busy and sometimes stressed and occasionally overwhelmed with life and its goodness and fullness and sometimes loneliness. These last few months have been some of the hardest yet most beautiful months of my life.

Let's see.....May 2 changed a lot of things. I walked across the stage and into the happy embrace of Dr. Bob E. Riley as he told me congratulations on completing 4 years at "EDBU." As a freshman, nobody prepares you for what happens to you on that day. You go through 4 years minus one day of laughter, community, sorrow, homework, nasty cafeteria food, growing time, stupid time, and Intramural Championships (what what!) and then the last day all of a sudden....it.is.over.

All of the community that you worked so hard at, cried for, yelled about, smiled because of....all of that is gone. Sure you are still friends and you text every few days and there's the occasional random phone call. But it's never the same, not like that. I left school and came to Combine, Texas. WHERE? That's right. Combine. Middle of nowhere. No more late night runs to Whataburger or IHOP. No more hearing my roommates scream and laugh and fight and run around the apartment dressed very inappropriately. No more crying over the Father breaking us, or crying over the Father blessing us, or crying over Marley and Me or watching Twilight 10 times in one week. It's so different. And though the last 6 months the Lord has blessed me with another kind of community that has been very very sweet, I miss that community. And knowing that it will never be back the way that it was? Well that's enough to cry again.

But, thank the Father for his provision and his community. It's been so great getting to live at home before I get married and become one flesh with John. Spending time with mom and my brother and seeing my siblings more often....so good. So sweet. The Lord has shown me more and more the blessing of family and treasuring those moments and time together. I take them for granted far too often. Father forgive me! I realize more and more how selfish I sometimes am when I am with my family...so comfortable. Not taking a second to really talk to them, invest in them. Ah! Conviction.

John is a testimony to the faithfulness, abundance, provision, and LOVE of our Father. I mean, really. It is so neat to actually see the person that you have prayed for your whole life. The Lord constantly teaches me through John...sharpening me, convicting me, encouraging me, loving me, pursuing me. It is marvelous. Truly marvelous that my heavenly Father loves me so much that he would choose to love me through John the way that he does. Wow! So neat. I am blessed and grateful and honored that in less than two months I can call him my husband. He is leader, I am helper, and together we have the awesome gift and responsibility of showing the world a picture of the Gospel. The love of Christ for his bride, the church. I am humbled at this opportunity and calling Lord, please use us as one for Your glory.

Wow. That felt good.

I knew something had been missing.

Keyboard, it's nice to feel you, old friend.