Something's Missing.

It may be the fact that it has now been over six months since I have graduated college and taken classes, or possibly because I have had less and less quality time with my faithful journal, or maybe just that the good 'ole days of xanga are too far gone....but lately I have really missed writing.

Not necessarily writing anything of importance like research papers or anything like that...which I do miss. I know that's weird. It's maybe that I feel like I never get alone time for myself and my head to just sit and think and be. Is that weird? Maybe. It's probably weirder because if I'm putting my head and thoughts onto....keyboard....and onto the World Wide Web, it is no longer just for myself. But I think better when typing, so I suppose that's a risk I am willing to take. That's assuming of course that someone will read this, which let's be honest, is not likely. Whew.

Six months since I have graduated college. WOW. That's odd. Time flies when you are totally busy and sometimes stressed and occasionally overwhelmed with life and its goodness and fullness and sometimes loneliness. These last few months have been some of the hardest yet most beautiful months of my life.

Let's see.....May 2 changed a lot of things. I walked across the stage and into the happy embrace of Dr. Bob E. Riley as he told me congratulations on completing 4 years at "EDBU." As a freshman, nobody prepares you for what happens to you on that day. You go through 4 years minus one day of laughter, community, sorrow, homework, nasty cafeteria food, growing time, stupid time, and Intramural Championships (what what!) and then the last day all of a sudden....it.is.over.

All of the community that you worked so hard at, cried for, yelled about, smiled because of....all of that is gone. Sure you are still friends and you text every few days and there's the occasional random phone call. But it's never the same, not like that. I left school and came to Combine, Texas. WHERE? That's right. Combine. Middle of nowhere. No more late night runs to Whataburger or IHOP. No more hearing my roommates scream and laugh and fight and run around the apartment dressed very inappropriately. No more crying over the Father breaking us, or crying over the Father blessing us, or crying over Marley and Me or watching Twilight 10 times in one week. It's so different. And though the last 6 months the Lord has blessed me with another kind of community that has been very very sweet, I miss that community. And knowing that it will never be back the way that it was? Well that's enough to cry again.

But, thank the Father for his provision and his community. It's been so great getting to live at home before I get married and become one flesh with John. Spending time with mom and my brother and seeing my siblings more often....so good. So sweet. The Lord has shown me more and more the blessing of family and treasuring those moments and time together. I take them for granted far too often. Father forgive me! I realize more and more how selfish I sometimes am when I am with my family...so comfortable. Not taking a second to really talk to them, invest in them. Ah! Conviction.

John is a testimony to the faithfulness, abundance, provision, and LOVE of our Father. I mean, really. It is so neat to actually see the person that you have prayed for your whole life. The Lord constantly teaches me through John...sharpening me, convicting me, encouraging me, loving me, pursuing me. It is marvelous. Truly marvelous that my heavenly Father loves me so much that he would choose to love me through John the way that he does. Wow! So neat. I am blessed and grateful and honored that in less than two months I can call him my husband. He is leader, I am helper, and together we have the awesome gift and responsibility of showing the world a picture of the Gospel. The love of Christ for his bride, the church. I am humbled at this opportunity and calling Lord, please use us as one for Your glory.

Wow. That felt good.

I knew something had been missing.

Keyboard, it's nice to feel you, old friend.