Not from me.

So, my last post was in February. Ha! I am a no blogger, just a poser. So, six months later, here I am! So many things have happened over these last six months; so many ups and downs and frustrations and rejoicing, and God has continually taught me about His faithfulness and provision and His beautiful, beautiful, consistency. His consistency is something that I cannot fathom, because I am so very inconsistent. I am unbelievably grateful knowing that He is unchanging. Even when I am overwhelmed, exhausted, worried about pleasing man or money or I am envious or self-righteous, He is unchanging. Unchanging in His holiness, justice, faithfulness, provision, sovereignty... I am asking that He teach me to rest in that truth.

This week, something has been happening that I can't recall ever happening in my whole life. Ever. My husband can agree with the fact that I am not good at getting out of bed in the morning. I typically snooze for a ridiculous amount of time, and when I actually do roll out of bed, I walk into the living room with my hair looking like a rats nest, and my eyes almost permanently closed (whether because of the blinding light, or the sleep crusties. That's a gross word-crusties.) But this week, something really bizarre has been happening. When my alarm goes off at, gasp, 5:30 in the morning, as much as I really desire to go back to sleep, there is a stronger desire within me. Although I usually do snooze for about 15 more minutes, around 5:45 or 5:50 I have an overwhelming compulsion to get up. This is something that is not coming from within, because as my husband would also say, I am serious about sleeping. I thoroughly enjoy it- everything about it. Comfy bed, cold pillows, darkness, finishing an interesting dream...I love to sleep. But this week, for the first time that I can ever remember, a stronger desire has taken over. I don't want to sleep later or longer, because I don't want to miss out on something. Something that I used to not give first priority to, but in the last 6-7 months, has quickly become the most cherished time of my day.

I don't want to sleep in, because I want to read.

What? It's so bizarre. I have been a Believer for 12 years now, and never once can I remember a length of time in my life like this; a time where I am so eager and excited to open God's Word, to study it, to know it, be challenged and rebuked and changed by it. For the first time in my walk, I am tackling books like Job, which I have always avoided! Of course, I have to pray for Father to give me understanding because it is SO dense sometimes. But I can never remember a time like this before. A time where I genuinely feel what David might've felt when he wrote these words:

"The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever, the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb." (Ps. 19:7-10)

Sweeter than honey. His Word is sweeter than honey to me, and I've never felt that before! It's so exciting, the Bible. Getting to open the pages and literally READ the very words of God. Holy cow! I am honored, yet still don't even understand the magnitude of what I hold in my hands every morning. The coolest thing though?

this.isn't.from.me.

It couldn't possibly be, for "I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh" (Ro 7:18). Psalm 14 says that God looks down on us to see if there are any who understand him, and that we have all turned aside and become corrupt; "there is none who does good, not even one." So I find in myself lately this overwhelming desire to read God's Word, but I know that nothing in me is good- nothing in my flesh wants that. So, the only reason it could be there, is because He put it there! God in heaven, powerful, majestic, merciful Creator, put in my heart and mind the desire to read His Word to know Him more. Wow. I am floored by that. A huge factor in this coming about is being married to John. I have witnessed in him a great love and reverence for the Scriptures, and it has made me uncomfortable and challenged me in just settling for crumbs when there is a literal FEAST at my fingertips. God has used him to sharpen me in this area, and I am so grateful to Him for that. He has answered my prayer to desire His Word (Oh sinful human that I am, that I have to pray for a desire to read the Words of God!). He is faithful in answering prayer. He is faithful in instilling in His children a love for His Word, where we are clearly exposed to His character, which brings the fruit of a desire and passion for His desires and passions to be lived out and put in action. Wow wow wow. He is accomplishing His purpose of His glory through His children.